THE AMICABLE DISSOLVING OF RELATIONSHIPS

AN EXCERPT FROM AN INTERVIEW. READ FULL INTERVIEW HERE.
 
I read that you dissolve some relationships. Can you please elaborate on this, especially in relation to your love of all humanity?
 
Sure. When I dissolve a relationship, it simply means I refrain from any effort to seek contact with, or spend time with the person in question. It is possible for me to dissolve a relationship without a person being aware of it, because more often than not they do not contact me anyway, so I simply cease from contacting them.
 
There is a level of reciprocity I expect when it comes to my personal relationships with my family and friends. I have lived my life as a great supporter in every context that upholds a healthy relationship and enhances the success of all fellows, but I have rarely been a recipient of the same. I have always practiced the yearly evaluation of all my relationships. I have always dissolved all relationships with those whom having studied, have proven they are incapable of a relationship dynamic with me which I view as healthy. I give everybody a ten year benefit of doubt – This is the time frame in which all are observed (unless one is particularly vile) before they are let go of. It is worth mentioning that I do the same study of myself on a small level daily, and on a wider level weekly, monthly and yearly. I dissolved my first major set of relationships at age 15, then age 25, and most recently at age 35.
 
I must clarify that my dissolving of a relationship relates to the time I offer a person, not the love I have for a person. I never stop loving the people with whom I abstain from the level of contact I would give a friend. The reason for this is because I love all humanity (I.e. I do what I can to aid humanity whether or not that aid is deserved). I simply renegade such people into non-allocated time, but rather civilized conduct if we happen to meet.
 
It is worth stating that my dissolving of relationships is never instigated by personal hurt or a feeling of being let down. Those that know me very well know that I give little importance to emotions beyond that of inspecting the issues those emotions have chosen to bring to my attention by looking at the evidence. It is extremely difficult to hurt my feelings, yet alone lose contact with me for doing so. I dare say that when the people I have dissolved from being in my personal life are in extreme hardship, it is still usually I, not the ones whom they invest their efforts that STOPS – LISTENS – AND PRACTICALLY HELPS until they are back on their feet. It is unfortunate that there are many who think they care about me, but do not act as if they do. Such people are equally incompatible with me, as they do not understand what I deem as the basics in the sustenance of healthy relationships. There are many for whom I have sacrificed in ways that almost bankrupted me and almost cost my physical and mental health, who would not give me their saliva if I were dying of thirst, yet this knowledge has never prevented me from helping a person in genuine need. When the period of aid is over, I return to refraining from having them be any part of my deliberately organized personal time and social life.
 
To those that treat(ed) me like I do not exist, I am happy to accept this position in their lives, I am gladly dead to them. I will and have resurrected in their times of dire need. They can share their deep affection for me and their gratitude for whatever positive impact I had on their lives at the funeral of my physical body. To these I say farewell and as always best wishes.
 
I clarify further that these statements are with regards to non-reciprocated personal relationships I hold with adults over the age of twenty five, not mentorship, pro bono work, etc. where the context of relationship is obviously and necessarily unevenly balanced with the scales tipped on the end of the aider.
 
Using correct terms is very important to me because it is part of the telling of truth. It is for this reason that I do not introduce anyone or contextualize anyone within a relationship category which I do not hold with them. It takes a lot for me to call someone my friend. If such a statement is not yet absolute, then they will be introduced as my regular acquaintance, my peer, my protégé or whatever the context of our relationship may be.
 
A word of advice that I would like to give with respect to relationships is to always put yourself first and your family first. This is the proper order – These are the primary priorities. Do not withhold from yourself or deny your family in order to help another. If you cannot afford to give it, do not loan it. Never grow weary of doing good and helping those with genuine needs. But know that if your aid will lead to an unhealthy impact in your quality of life, you do not yet have sufficiently to give, so aid in another way.
 
 

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By the author of the comedy autobiography "Mum Knows Best" Veena Nankani - Life Coach, Nutritionist, Motivational Speaker, Writer, Poet, Professional Reviewer and Entrepreneur. www.veenanankani.com
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