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THE PRELIMINARIES Are you a private person?
No, not particularly. People assume I am a very private person because I am a naturally quiet person. However, since I was a child I have always answered most questions asked of me thoroughly to leave no doubt as to my answer. I am exceedingly open about my OWN life. However, I am extremely private about the personal lives of other people. I never discuss anything about another person unless they discuss it freely themselves, or the life of another is so integral to my life story that to omit it would be both confusing and disingenuous to my journey. Even under such circumstances, I still try to limit the amount of information I give about another. Although I am not a very private person, I hold dear the right to privacy of every individual, including myself, and I take the impingement of that right very seriously. The right to privacy is a basic human right, a basic civil right and one of the most important rights which when broken can have dire consequences on our mental health. Everyone has the right to share what they want, when and if they want. To be forced or “outed” about private matters which have absolutely no place in the public interest is morally wrong. You have agreed to speak candidly about the questions to be asked today, some of which most people would avoid like the plague. Why is that? 1. I speak candidly about many subjects from the breast of my life experience thus far because I have always aimed to make informal and discussable all subjects which constitute a healthy life journey. There are too many subjects which are viewed as taboo, and therefore go unanswered when there are people who genuinely require information on that subject matter. This has improved somewhat due to the internet, as folks can search about practically anything online. However, there is nothing like having a human being one can see and relate to, as opposed to anonymous voices, being honest about the reality of their life journey. A genuine question which goes answered is also an opportunity for ignorance to be quenched, missed. I use the word “ignorance” in it’s purest sense to mean “to not know”. I believe every subject pertaining to the human experience should be on the table for discussion. Discussion is how we hear the views of others, debate them using reason and arrive at ethical and or better ways of enhancing the human experience. 2. I am also going to answer all these questions candidly because I have lived an extraordinary life of suffering. Simply by reading my answers, there are those who are living an “ordinary” life who will recognize how extraordinary blessed they are. Having an average childhood, average parents, average siblings, an average I.Q. and being of average health are magnificent blessings for which many would wish to have had a small taste. 3. My answers may trigger compassion in those who have a better than average life to be less judgmental about others. It is easy to criticize how dumb many people are. It is easy to ignore that had they had half of what you had, they might have turned out ten times better. Everyone has a back-story. The back-story doesn’t justify poor behaviour, it simply makes us a little more patient with those who will take longer to learn and kinder to those that need a helping hand. 4. A lot of my writing is for the lost voices who for one reason or another are suffering from mental or physical health issues. I hope my life story, my work, my writing (including my poetry), will give them A) A sense of hope that they can overcome. B) To understand the importance of regular conversation with trusted loved ones about their challenges so they do not become isolated in their struggles, which would breed an environment rich for mental illness. C) To know that there is no shame in asking for professional help as some personal struggles simply cannot and should not go without professional attention. 5. My detailed answers will help some people understand that there is nothing special about me or any human being in the public light. Because I began public life at an unusually early age, I have seen that glint in many people’s eyes that give away their awe of me. As a child, a youth and an adult, I have always been quick to extinguish that glint to ensure that my admirers understood that there is nothing special about me and nothing unusual about their human experience. I make my humanity clear because people need to stop glorifying public figures. We are all in this thing called life together. No one is immune from great success or great pain. I have always kept it real and I will continue to take myself off any pedestal I am given. I am superior to no one, I am inferior to no one, I am equal to every one. My life is not more important or special than anyone in relevance or value. The only extraordinary thing about me is the amount of my suffering. 6. The last reason for my candidness is because I know that there will be some people who will not read by books, but who will research me online. This FAQ will give them a good idea of what I am about. It is my desire that on every page of my website, there is a least one thing which will be a blessing to someone. It is for this same reason that I designed my humanitarian logos – So if there are even people who visit my website who don’t like reading, they will benefit from the visual of the causes I support and believe in. ESTABLISHING QUESTIONS
How old are you? I am currently 35 years old at the time of answering this question. The date today is 15/6/14. My birthday is 29th October 1978. Which country were you born in? Ghana, West Africa. Which country do you live in? I am currently living in the U.K. I moved to the U.K. at the age of six with my mother and my siblings to join my father. My parents met in Ghana. What is your ethnic background? My father was British-Indian and my mother is fully Ghanaian. What is your nationality? British. Which of the countries of your multi-heritage do you identify most with? I feel mostly British. I’ve spent 30 years of my life in Britain and grew up as a child in Britain. My thinking about a lot of things are British and European. But I love my Ghanaian and Indian roots as well. FAMILY Are both of your parents alive? No. My mother is alive and my father is dead. Were your parents married? Yes. Did your parents remain married until your father died? Yes. What is your relationship with your mother like? Are you close to your mother? Our closeness is that of standard mother and daughter relationships. Our relationship dynamic is unconventional to that of standard mother and daughter relationships. What was your relationship with your father like? Were you close to your father? No. My father was a heavy smoker. I found it difficult to breathe around him with my asthma, so we usually kept a two meter distance between ourselves. In the final year of his life when he was in hospital, he was forced to stop smoking. I spent that year with him and I looked after him. He apologized that the strength of his addictions overpowered his desire to be my father. I accepted his apology and told him I had already forgiven him as a child, and that my forgiveness of him would have remained in tact whether or not he apologized. I am grateful for the fact that he realized his need to apologize without a prompt in the final days of his life. Did your father have any other addictions?
Yes, he had many – Alcohol was his main other addiction. Some people will only be free from addictions and dysfunction when they die. I am glad he is now free from all his addictions. He is in a better state for himself and all of humanity. How many siblings do you have? I have four brothers. I am the second-born. One of my brother’s is adopted – He is the forth child in order of our ages. He is fully ethnically Ghanaian. What is your relationship with your brothers like? Are you close to your siblings? Our closeness is that of standard sibling relationships. Our relationship dynamic is unconventional to that of standard sibling relationships. My relationship with my siblings have involved a tremendous amount of sacrifice on my part. Are you close to your extended family? I am close to very few members of my extended family. I am civilized to them all. CHILDHOOD
What did you use to daydream about as a child?
I used to see myself with children from all different backgrounds and I was their mother. I wanted the world to accept reality, love themselves and treat their fellow man with dignity and respect. I wanted wars, poverty, sickness and heartache to end. So I daydreamed about personal, family and global peace and health. Usually in the final hours of the school day, I also daydreamed about going home to eat salad. I fantasized for ages about lettuce, cucumbers and tomatoes, although I never ate too many tomatoes as it often gave me a stomach ache. What were your goals as a child?
To remain a good person and to be an excellent mother. Did you achieve your goal? Yes. But my life is not over yet. So this continues to be my primary goal in life. Did you get a lot of compliments growing up? I.e. were you told you were beautiful and pretty or beautiful often?
As a child I got a lot of compliments from family, friends, members of my community (familiar faces) and strangers. As a teenager, in my twenties, and currently in my thirties compliments almost ceased from family, friends, and members of my community; although I continue(d) to receive compliments from strangers. Those that knew me often made unflattering comments about me, though I was a moderate dresser who gave little attention to my clothes, my hair and my makeup; often choosing items that minimized attention to myself. I was often told by those who knew me that “You think you are so beautiful”, “You think you are better than us”, “You’re just standing there showing off” and comments along those lines; whilst they cut their eyes at me wearing glamorous clothes, tonnes of makeup, flashy jewellery and shoes in which they could barely walk. Did being negatively judged and having assumptions made about your character based on your appearance upset you? No, this didn’t upset me. I have never understood why pretty women are often treated with contempt, often judged without being known personally, especially by women, as being snobbish, dumb, or given to use their sex appeal, when handsome men are usually praised and admired, especially by women. I must clarify that I did and still do continue to be complimented by strangers. From public toilets, bus stops, to fancy restaurants, a few women have told me that I am beautiful – I am aware that this is rare. How did being complimented make you feel? I graciously accepted their compliments and then I quickly threw those compliments away. I didn’t see whatever they saw in me. I have always seen myself as being average in beauty. I’m just thankful that I am not ugly. The world is not as kind to ugly women as it is to ugly men – This is neither fair nor logical. A face does not determine the contents of one’s heart, character or maturity to live life well. Who was your role model growing up? Me. I have had no role model other than myself. There was no one in the council flat projects, the community in which I grew up, or a public figure who I admired enough in the totality of their being to assign to them the value of being my role model. I have always lived my life with myself as my role model. What about the public figures whom you have paid tribute to on your website, were they not your role models?
No. I admired certain public figures, but I cannot honestly say I viewed any of these people as my role models. The reason for this is simple, as a child I was privy to have a lot of friends in high places because I was a Motivational Speaker. I quickly discovered that the public persona of many differed from their character behind the scenes. I decided that no one can be my role model unless I know them personally and can attest to their character personally. Therefore I admired the public figures I have mentioned on my website usually for an appreciation of their craft, skill and or a particular advancement they made to better humanity in some way. But none of the public figures I have admired and stated publicly were my role models because I did not and do not know them personally. I see that a lot of your artist tributes are to singers, but they cover a wide range of musical genres. What is your favourite genre of music?
Hip hop. I love the beats, I love the poetry and I like the diversity of subject manner tackled in the lyrics, which is the strain from the usual love songs in most other music genres. However, but I do not see the need for many of the themes which are dominant and unacceptable in hip hop, e.g. the misogyny, the encouragement of bad behaviour, the incitement to violence, the endorsement of guns, the approval of sexual activity without responsibility, particularly with regard to men having children outside of a stable relationship, and the over focus on the accumulation of wealth instead of proper values. Hip hop artists usually address the pain of their past, the suffering of their people, civil rights injustices, and a diversity of topics which are all worthy of commentary, artistic or otherwise. However, with their lyrics about a sometimes hard reality, should come lines that also move people toward peace and growth and the avoidance of incarceration. It is a shame that when many hip hop artists “make it” they do not use the great opportunity that their new clout gives to make a difference in their communities. Like in any profession, there are many in hip hop who are there by luck, who have little talent beyond scripting average rhymes which make us smile, and there are also a few highly intelligent poetic masterminds who are on a mission using their craft – I will write to those who are in the game and who have a brain that there needs to be a change in certain unacceptable lyrical content in hip hop. I am sure I will be insulted by many an ignoramus when I address this issue, but change is never comfortable, particularly for those who are yet to understand that change is necessary. So I expect insults from all corners, not just Hip Hop when I start posting my blogs. ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS & SEXUALITY
Have you ever fallen in love?
No. I have only ever stood in love with people who I have deemed compatible with me. How many boyfriends have you had?
Two. My ex-husband and my current boyfriend. That is very few for a 36 year old.
I have been seriously pursued by over 10 men in my lifetime. However, with the exception of my ex-husband and my current boyfriend, none of them passed my compatibility questionnaire. I have never seen the point of beginning a relationship with someone with whom I am fundamentally incompatible. What do you find attractive in a man?
Great character, great morality, sound ethics, non-religious/spiritual, non-smoker, no addictions, and must not want biological children. Do you have an aesthetic body type you are attracted to? Yes. I like tall men, who are toned but not too muscular and who are beautiful. I like pretty looking men. My aesthetic type typically looks like the type of male model you would find in a male clothing catalogue as opposed to male high fashion model. Are you married? No. Have you ever been married? Yes. It was short-lived. I am now divorced. I was very sick when I was married. Unfortunately my ex-husband did not stay to witness my recovery. Will you ever marry again? No. I don’t believe that marriage validates or legitimizes a relationship in any way. I have attended many weddings and I am happy for everyone who enters into marriage, however I am not and have never been the marrying type. Then why did you marry your first husband? I married my first husband because although I never cared much for the institution, my mother is very religious, and also stands by her Ghanaian culture which takes a poor impression of a couple who live together unmarried. My ex-husband and I got married essentially to oblige her. We were already in a happy, committed relationship, and saw no harm in obtaining a certificate that made living together acceptable in the “eyes of God” and society for my mother. My ex-husband and I did not live together until we got married. I am now 35 years old, I have told my mother I will not marry again. I am happy for those who want to think of me as a whore if I live with a man to whom I am not married man, to do so. I am perfectly aware that more often than not, I have slept with less people than those who make such a judgement. Has your heart ever been broken? No. I have never given anyone that right or liberty. My heart remains my property and is fully in tact. Are you currently in a relationship? Yes. With who? None of your business. It will have to suffice that I am happy. I will not discuss the details of my relationship in public. Do you use contraception? Yes. Are you gay? No. Are you bi-sexual? No. Have you ever had a sexual experience with the same sex or any sexual experience which is different from the “norm”. No. I have only had sex with a man. It was “conventional” sex. Have you ever had a same-sex crush or attraction? No. Have you ever tried anal sex? No, and I highly doubt I ever will. But I see nothing wrong with anal sex. I do not have a problem with most sexual acts so long as they are with two consenting adults, who are both alive, and are in the same species. I think bestiality is morally wrong. What are your views on sexuality? Everyone should be true to their own sexuality and fully disclose their sexuality and sexual background at the onset of a relationship, i.e. during the dating phase. Do you agree with homosexuality? Yes. Do you like gay people? Yes of course. I care about all people and I love all humanity. I love children, I love adults, I love women, I love men, I love those who are straight, I love those who are gay and I love all those in-between. I believe everyone should be treated with dignity, respect and all their human rights. I believe people should be judged by the contents of their character, not their gender or sexuality. There are some that say that no one should be judged at all. To me, this is an ill advised extreme. Judgements are necessary to determine who you want in your life and to what extent. This type of judgement is one of compatibility, not one of value. Do you support gay marriage? Yes. Do you support gay adoption and fostering? Yes. CHILDREN Do you have any biological children? No. All my children came to me through informal fostering or informal adoption. I have been the legal guardian of many children over the years. How many children have you had? Over 20 foster children and four adopted children. One of my adopted children passed away from cancer in 2012. Are you still in touch with all your foster children? Not all of them. I leave it to them to decide. It is more important that they re-adjust to their lives with the biological parents. I do not interfere with this process. Are you still in touch with all your adopted children? Yes. They are all adults now. Have you ever been pregnant? Yes – Twice. Sadly neither pregnancy made it to full gestation. I had a medically advised abortion with my first pregnancy. In my second pregnancy, the fetus died naturally. It did not make it past 9 weeks. Do you plan on ever having any biological children? No. If you use contraception, how did you get pregnant? The details of my first pregnancy are traumatic – I will discuss that separately at another time. My second pregnancy was with my ex-husband. We were told it is extremely difficult for me to conceive, so we saw no need for contraceptives. The fetus only lasted 14 weeks. After that fetus died we were told there is no way I’ll ever get pregnant again naturally. We made a conscious choice to use contraceptives to prevent me going through pregnancy again because neither of us wanted biological children, so contraception ensured pregnancy would not happen, despite the doctors’ advice that contraceptives were not necessary. We used the rhythm method and condoms. I now use the contraceptive implant under the skin of my upper arm. It is a terrible shame that my immune system kills the very thing I value most – LIFE. Is it a fear of the losing another baby or having a child with severe illness that makes you use contraception? No. I use contraception because I do not want to have any biological children. Using contraception ensures that this will not happen. The plus side to using contraception is that I will I never have to see another deformed lifeless embryo again. Fear is never my motivation for any act or deed. If I wanted a biological child, I could have one. I would have to use a surrogate due to a complexity of medical issues which threaten my life if I’m the carrier. My husband and I discovered after further medical tests that my problem is not with ovulation or the quality of my eggs, but rather with incubation. So it appears I am able to conceive naturally, but not to retain the fertilized egg properly in order for it to mature healthily. I see nothing wrong with people going to great lengths to have biological children, it is a natural desire. I prefer helping children that already exist. Do you ever want to have biological children? No. Why don’t you want to have biological children?
No woman should have to justify why she doesn’t want children. The significance and role of women is not determined by the use of our reproductive system as gestational carriers. No one asks people why they want to have children, and I think this is far more of an important question to ask. However, in the interest of answering your question fully, I state again that MY reason for not having biological children is because I prefer helping children that already exist.. Do you miss your babies that didn’t survive? No. They were not babies yet. I think about them every year on my birthday. I cannot pretend that they had formed into anything more than accumulated cells with the potential of life. Had I permitted the first embryo to continue to develop, its life would have been highly negatively impacted due to the circumstances around that pregnancy. I do not miss what they were, but I think of who those cells might have developed into if my life and the fetus’ life hadn’t been compromised with the first fetus and if the second fetus hadn’t died naturally. What would you do if by some miracle you became pregnant, or you used a surrogate and the child was discovered in the screening to be extremely ill and would lead a limited life again? I would abort the child. Suffering for the entirety of one’s life is an extremely hard life both for the sufferer and their loved ones. I have every respect for those that choose not to have medical screenings so nothing affects their desire to continue the pregnancy; I have every respect for those that undertake screening and decide to bring a child with serious complications into the world; and I have every respect for those who terminate a pregnancy due to the aforementioned reasons. Each person must choose what they think they can handle and live with the consequences of their decisions. What would you do if you had to make a choice as to whether you or the baby should live? I would tell the medical team to save me over the child. I would choose to live and have the fetus die because I already exist. I do not see any good reason for me to die and for a child to be without a mother, or for my life partner to be without me, if this can be avoided. In your hypothetical scenario, my partner and I could always have another child bearing in mind the deceased child has not yet lived a life in which it is known, but my partner could never replace me in my exactness. This is not to diminish the loss of a child in any way – Miscarriages and baby/child deaths are subject to a full mourning experience. However, I think it is easier to recover from the untimely loss of a child (particularly that of a fetus), than the untimely loss of a spouse/partner, particularly if the relationship was both healthy and long. Whether one grieves the loss of a fetus, a child, a partner, a parent, a sibling, a friend, a mentor, or even a colleague, I hope that all are able to grieve healthily and then move forward with their lives eventually, for a lifetime of grief does no one any good. Do you think abortion is morally wrong? No. One must follow the laws in a country in which abortion is legal, to ensure the embryo is terminated within the acceptable time frame. If one misses the acceptable time frame for whatever reason and decides after seeking professional help that one does not want the child, then the child should be placed into the State care system. There are few things worse than a child growing up unwanted and or unloved by their biological parents. Not aborting an unwanted child and proceeding to raise an unwanted child, is often disastrous for both the parent and child. If one lives in a country in which abortion is not legal, one should go on holiday to a country in which it is legal, or if this is impossible, one should have the child and place them in the State care system. It is never advisable to break the law, or place one’s health at risk by having an illegal and or dangerous abortion. If one lives in a country that does not have a State care system for unwanted children, then this should be the biggest contraceptive. It is my opinion that everyone should use contraception until they are truly ready for a child (if they want one at all). I am aware that this is not always available in the poorest countries or in countries where a woman is viewed as the property of the male, with her primary purpose being that of bearing children and managing the home. Do you plan on fostering or adopting more children? No. All my adopted children are now adults. My role in their lives is backstage to the forefront of their journey with their spouses and their future children. This is the natural order and it is a beautiful thing. I will not engage in any further fostering. All my foster children have returned to their biological parents. This is something which makes my heart very glad. For unless it is dangerous or unhealthy to do so, I believe the best place for every child is by the side of their biological parents. I write a lot of poetry giving a voice to the unheard children and youth of the world. I will write about their pain, I will address their parents and society, and I will help to heal the children. I will not foster or adopt more children because I can help far more children through my writing than I can through the adoption of a limited number of children. Can you not foster and still be devoted to your causes? No. I have a limited amount of energy. If I were to foster or adopt my priority would be the daily lives of my new children. I would not let my children come second place to a cause. FRIENDS Are you friendly? Very. Are you hospitable? Very. Do enjoy the company of others? Yes. But generally I prefer my own company and silence. I am naturally quiet and a bit of a recluse. Are you social? I schedule in social activities for every quarter of the year, and ensure I am fully mentally present during such activities. I enjoy the company of others very much, but in scheduled doses. Do you have friends? Yes. How do you stay in touch with your friends if you only see them a few times a year? I text all my friends a minimum of once a month, as well as all the major yearly occasions such as New Year, Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Birthdays and Diwali. Do you speak to your friends on the phone? No. I don’t speak to anyone on the phone unless it is absolutely necessary. Talking on the phone gives me headaches, so I avoid talking on the phone at all costs. For long distance relatives, I make an effort once a year to use Skype. Even the use of Skype involves a period of recovery for me, so I pick one person who I will speak to via Skype once a year – This person changes every year. Do you have a lot of friends? No. But I have had most of my friends for over twenty five years. What does it take to be your friend?
The person must be of good character which I have observed as consistent over a minimum period of ten years. Do you have a best friend? Yes. I have always been my own best friend. I had a childhood best friend, who will always be my first best friend. And I have my best friend since my teenage years and ongoing, my cousin who is more like a sister and one of the lights of my life – Doris. Would you say you get on better with men or women? I get on with both sexes equally. Do you spend more of your organized free time with men or women? I avoid spending time with both sexes equally. PERSONALITY Are you quiet?
Yes. Are you shy?
No. Are you patient? Very. Are you a people-pleaser? No. I have never had this trait. I can think of only one time in my life in which I did something specifically to please another and that was marrying my ex-husband to please my mother. However, I must make clear, that had I not been in a healthy, happy relationship with my fiance at the time (my current ex-husband), and had I not thought that our relationship did not have the potential to last a lifetime, I would not have married him. My ex-husband and I viewed the certificate of marriage as unnecessary, but we also saw it as harmless in pleasing my mother with this certificate since we were in a good relationship. Are you a pushover? Not by any means. Are you assertive? Whenever it is needed, yes, very. Are you competitive? Not in the least. It has been said of me since childhood that one should not have me on their team in a game as I often help the opponent to win. It is the fact that everyone is playing that makes me enjoy most things. I could care less who wins. I view life in much the same manner. Do you or have you ever played computer games? I do not play computer games. But yes, I have played four computer games before. Pac man, Super Mario Brothers, Street Fighter and a game involving two tennis balls (I can’t remember the name of this game), when computer games first came out. My brother begged me to play, so I played each game once. Computer games are not my thing. In fact playing games is not really my thing either. How would your friends describe you?
Friendly, calm, respectful, principled, kind, generous, loves laughing and is a little bit weird. How would your colleagues or professional contacts describe you? The same as my friends. I treat everyone the same in business and in pleasure. How do you describe yourself?
The same as my friends and colleagues view me. My behaviour is consistent – even in the relationship I have with myself. Would you say you are an introvert or an extrovert?
My nature is mostly introvert. However, I am the type of introvert that asks people smoking at bus stop to move away from me because of my asthma, that walks up to people and tells them to “shut up please” if they are talking loudly during a film at the cinema, that complains if restaurant food is bad, that asks for the manager when I receive poor customer service, that makes a formal complaint to an established body when I have been treated in an unacceptable manner and that holds a microphone fearlessly to speak, sing, perform by acting or dancing as required. Are you a feminist?
Yes. The the definition of a feminist is simply one who advocates the equality of the sexes. All negative connotations of that word were formerly blatantly, and more recently (in the last 50 years) subconsciously, implanted in our minds by the male dominated media and of those in power who are usually men. Are you an emotional person?
No. I am an incredibly rational person. It is perhaps the most irritating aspect of my nature to others. I practiced subjecting emotions through a filter of objectivity from a young age. All emotions are acknowledged, inspected, discarded or acted upon as necessary. Do you have any other irritating qualities? Yes. I tend to answer every question I am asked thoroughly, so my answers are usually lengthier than those the average person – This is irritating to some people. I observed in others from an early age that answers without a minimum of some clarifying explanations often lead to misinterpretation and sometimes unnecessary arguments. So since I was a child, I decided to always say exactly what I mean, and to mean exactly what I say. I rarely use similes, metaphors, double meanings, inference or any form of language which requires decoding. I am a very direct communicator. Do you cry?
Yes, but it is extremely rare. Usually only a tragedy of great magnitude is able to induce my tears. There have been a few instances where my physical pain has been unbearable and that has made me cry. During such times I sometimes find the tears rolling down my cheeks before I am even aware that I am crying. I believe the masses are addicted to their emotions, telling themselves self pitying stories which are neither objective nor justified. I believe emotions should be acknowledged, then scrutinized to determine their validity, rather than being accepted on face value. It is very difficult to make me cry or indeed to hurt my feelings in any way. I have never taken the ignorance or others personally. Having said that, I must clarify that I do not view crying as weak. Those that feel the urge to cry should do so and never hold it in. But they should also develop a resilience which makes emotional hurt less frequent, as this is taxing for their body and their mind as well as those around them. I can see why some people might interpret your rational nature as “cold”.
Indeed. I also tend to appear “cold” in writing because one cannot hear my tone, my inflections, see into my eyes, or see my body language. I am very soft spoken, my body moves gently, and my eyes clearly demonstrate that I am coming from a place of love. I help people with very difficult issues develop healthier ways of understanding and coping with reality – It would not be very good if I was an overly emotional person. My disposition is well suited for my job. I must make clear that although I myself am not emotional, I have every compassion for those that are. One of the underlying principles of my life is that my life is lived with compassion, kindness and non-judgement whilst telling the truth. What is your biggest weakness? I sacrifice my health and my plans to aid a person with an extremely urgent need if no one else is able or prepared to support them, particularly if it is an abused child, a sick person, or a person whose mental health is being compromised. However, the stage of my self sacrifice in my life is over. I will no longer sacrifice myself for anyone. I will be of greater benefit to more people if I save my body and my mind for my writing. What is your biggest strength? I am able to love most people in theory and in practice whether or not I know them, whether or not they deserve it and whether or not I like them. Are you an affectionate person?
Somewhat. I hold the hands of my family and friends and I am a huger – both in business and in pleasure. What is the first thing you do when you walk into a room?
I smile, observe the space for an escape route, and I take a mental picture of everyone and my surroundings in case I need to describe them to the police. What is your first thought when you meet a stranger?
I’m completely here for you and will listen to you fully. Do you get nervous before a public speech or a performance?
No. I am hardly ever nervous in any aspect of my life including public speaking. It is very rare. Are you a perfectionist? No. But I always do everything to the best of my ability. From cooking dinner, cleaning the toilet, to writing a book; I take pleasure both in the mundane and the exquisite because it is all part of life. Do you have any compulsive disorders or addictions? No. I am a great believer in following the middle path of balance and moderation. What things do you not like? - Hypocrites. - When people are unnecessarily rude. - When people do not honour their word. - When people are late. - Poor customer service. - Feeling hot. - Temperatures below 15 degrees Celsius or above 25 degrees Celsius. - Looking into toilet bowls. - Using public toilets. - Those that leave public toilets messy after they have used it. It is extremely inconsiderate. - Smelling or seeing the poo of anyone other than children. - When people do smelly farts in enclosed spaces in which there is no escape. I find that very rude. - Talking on the phone. I avoid it because it gives me headaches. Although I do not like these things, I am patient when I encounter these things. However, I do all I can to avoid a repetition of these disliked experiences from my future. What things can you really not stand? - Wickedness - Pride - Ingratitude - Jealousy - Ignorance - Violence - Guns - Immorality - Lies and manipulation - Injustice - War, genocide and perpetration of war crimes - Slave trafficking, sex trafficking, human trafficking - Child soldier recruiting and training - Sex offenses, especially paedophilia - Involvement at any level with illegal drugs - All forms of bullying, abuse and oppression - Hatred and prejudice - Apartheid, racism and sexism - When countries or societies lack one or more of the following: Democracy, personal freedom, freedom of speech, free healthcare, free basic education to college/university level. - Any violation of human rights. - Poverty and disease - Natural disasters which result in the death of humans - Dust, cigarette scent and other strong scents, because it makes it extremely hard for me to breathe and stay alive. I must clarify that I hate these acts but not necessarily the perpetrators of these acts. I have actually helped some perpetrators of these atrocities to turn their lives around. So long as one is alive, there is a hope for redemption and correction. What do you find sad? All the negatives I previously mentioned I find sad because of the effects it has on human beings; some of whom never recover from these events or traumas. I also it find it sad when a child is indifferent to the existence of its parents or blood relatives. That is a terrible shame which usually speaks of great failures often on the part of the primary caregivers and or elders who should have provided healthier mental environments for that child. What are your passions? Promoting healthy living.
Promoting sound mental health.
Promoting reason and ethics.
Promoting academia and learning in general. Promoting personal development.
Promoting literacy and numeracy.
Promoting conscientious parenting.
Promoting adoption by raising awareness about the need to decrease the number of orphaned children.
Promoting fostering by raising awareness about the need to increase the fostering of children who need temporary homes, support and love.
Promoting helping those in need.
Promoting human rights and justice.
Promoting the eradication of poverty.
Promoting decreasing youth crime.
Promoting youth mentoring.
Promoting the ending all forms of bullying, abuse and oppression.
Promoting compassion and less judgement – Those that appear to have failed have a back story which lead to a high probability of their current position.
Promoting the rehabilitation of the incarcerated.
Promoting the support of ex-offenders with their re-integration into society in such a manner as to minimize their probability of re-offending.
Promoting general kindness.
Promoting internal and external peace.
Promoting joyous living.
Promoting The Arts and general creativity.
Promoting the exposure and success of artists. Promoting the success of small businesses and entrepreneurs. Promoting supporting and encouraging people in general. PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT Who do you admire? Generally I admire: - Teachers
- Those that parent properly. - Those that foster children.
– Those that adopt children. - Non-violent Human Rights Activists.
– Those that lead moral lives. - Those that better the state of humanity in any way including general kindness. - The intellectual greats that shaped history and humanity for the better. They mainly belong to the fields of science, mathematics and philosophy. Who has been your biggest motivator in life? Me. I have had no great motivator in my life. Who has been your biggest supporter in life through difficult times?
Me. I have had no great supporter in my life. I have battled some terrible things with almost non-existent support. Who are the cheerleaders in your life? I have had no real cheerleaders in my life. People have come to expect great things from me. It appears that most people do not find it necessary to congratulate me when those things are achieved and do nothing to enhance my achievements. Therefore I have achieved almost everything completely alone and unaided in any way. I have rarely heard the words “well done”, “congratulations”, “I’m proud you”, “I fully support you”, “what can I do to help you?” etc. I press on as always, with myself being usually my only supporter, motivator, defender and cheerleader. One of the things that differentiates a leader from the masses is our resolve to excel despite a poor environment, a poor back-story, lack of support, lack of acknowledgment, lack of encouragement, lack of support, lack of endorsement, severe challenges and even great tragedies. A leader makes no excuses. A good leader grieves healthily and then presses on with nothing to prove to anyone, entering no competition with anyone, excelling in their abilities to better themselves and the state of humanity. Who do you turn to for advice?
Me. I care little about the opinion of others. I have rarely needed any advice in my PERSONAL life, but I have sought it whenever necessary, usually from a professional e.g. a therapist colleague. Who is your confidante?
My best-friend, my cousin Doris. I tell her everything. What do people find most surprising about you?
My past. I.e. the abuse, the traumas, my illness and my attitude in spite of it all. What do people usually wrongly assume about you?
A lot of people have confessed that they assumed I was a snob when they first saw me from a distance, but this soon dissipated when they spoke to me. Simply from my face and my clothes, I have been told that it is generally assumed that I am from a privileged background, with a happy childhood, that I have never worked hard because I am of moderate beauty, and that I must be a snob, once again because of my “beauty” and my quietness. Once people speak to me, they soon discover I am friendlier and more open than most people, and that I always keep it real. What do people not believe about you?
The fact that I am dyslexic. I have heard many an ignorant comment that I am too clever to be dyslexic. Have you always been dyslexic? No. After I woke from my medical crisis, it was discovered that I am dyslexic. Although I have recovered many areas of my brain and life since the medical crisis, the dyslexia has remained. What’s your saddest memory?
The day my daughter died. That day and those three months were mental agony for me. What’s your happiest memory?
It is ironic that for a person for whom acceptance of reality is a fundamental principle of my life, that my happiest memories are four dreams I had which changed my life. Those dreams have repeated themselves in various ways approximately twelve times. What were the dreams about?
I will explain another time. It’s too long for me to write about now. Do you or have you ever meditated?
No. I live in a state of mediation, I come out of it when I need to interact with people. I am naturally extremely calm and always at peace because I accept all reality including the right of others to destroy their lives. This is one thing that caused me extreme distress as child (people choosing a path that will inevitably lead to their destruction or the destruction of another person). At eleven I decided to accept everyone’s choices and to respectfully offer to help if I can, or intervene if it’s a case of abuse or human/civil rights violation. I know many people who meditate, pray, and follow all kinds of “spiritual” rituals daily and who have done so for many years, who are extremely insecure, highly emotional, quick tempered, extremely proud etc. It is a good thing that they meditate or I can only imagine what their lives would be like without it. I do not meditate, it is not necessary for me. If it ever becomes necessary, I will do so. Do you swear? Yes. It is one of my favourite hobbies. What is the best decision you’ve ever made?
Getting rid of my period by using the contraceptive implant. I wish I had done this as a teenager. I started my period at nine and I had terrible PMS until age 34. The positive impact stopping my periods has had on my quality of life has been phenomenal. In your opinion what are the most important decisions one has to make in their lifetime? We are more determined as human beings than we are undetermined. The level of our “free will” and therefore our choices, come within a context of fixed variables which are not within one’s control. No one chooses:
- Which year they will be born in. This determines which stage of human history they will be born in. - Who their parents will be and their level of competence as parents. - What colour and ethnic race they will be. - Which country they will be born in and whether or not their birth country is free from poverty, war, oppression, dictatorship etc. - The types of natural intelligence they are born with. - Whether they are born with any physical or mental disabilities. - The tragedies that may befall them or their loved ones through developed diseases, accidents, natural disasters, deliberate inhumane acts (e.g. deaths caused by terrorists) etc. There are many variables which are beyond one’s control. So bearing these in mind, I think the most important choices one can make fall into these areas:
1) ETHICS The type of ethics one accepts and level of ethics one practices. (THIS IS NOT ALWAYS A CHOICE IN UNCIVILIZED SOCIETIES WHERE THE LAWS MAY PREVENT ONE FROM PUBLICLY PROFESSING OR PRACTICING WHAT ONE WANTS UNLESS ONE CHOOSES SOCIAL DEGRADATION, DISOWNMENT FROM ONE’S FAMILY, IMPRISONMENT AND OR DEATH.) 2) MENTAL & PHYSICAL HEALTH One’s commitment to one’s physical and mental health by practicing the norms which uphold this equilibrium and enhance the advancement of these things. I.e. nutrition, hydration, sleep, exercise etc. (THIS IS NOT ALWAYS A CHOICE FOR AFOREMENTIONED REASONS)
3) WHETHER OR NOT ONE BELIEVES IN A RELIGION & IF SO WHICH RELIGION. Whether or not one follows a religious or spiritual theology, doctrine or practice with full belief of its teachings. (THIS IS NOT ALWAYS A CHOICE FOR AFOREMENTIONED REASONS)
4) ROMANTIC PARTNER Who one has as their life partner if any at all. (THIS IS NOT ALWAYS A CHOICE FOR AFOREMENTIONED REASONS)
5) HAVING CHILDREN Whether or not one chooses to have any children and if so the number of children. (THIS IS NOT ALWAYS A CHOICE FOR AFOREMENTIONED REASONS) 6) EDUCATION/ VOCATIONAL TRAINING/ EXCEPTIONAL SKILL Whether one has basic, secondary and higher education, whether one decides to be trained vocationally, or whether one is born highly skilled with innate abilities, is not a per-requisite for the good life. However, one’s level of the aforementioned will usually limit one’s career options and enhance one’s financial quality of life. (THIS IS NOT ALWAYS A CHOICE FOR AFOREMENTIONED REASONS)
7) CAREER What one chooses to do as a career. This choice is more often than not linked to one’s level of education or training, which may not always be subject to ones choice. E.g. if one is born in great poverty, a time of war, a historical time which law places restraints on certain individuals, severe disabilities etc. (THIS IS NOT ALWAYS A CHOICE FOR AFOREMENTIONED REASONS) 8) PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT One’s level of commitment to one’s personal development both in character and otherwise. (THIS IS NOT ALWAYS A CHOICE FOR AFOREMENTIONED REASONS) 9) PLATONIC RELATIONSHIPS The type of people one chooses to have in one’s life. From family to friends, the type of people whom one spends the most time with will invariable affect one’s life journey. (THIS IS NOT ALWAYS A CHOICE FOR AFOREMENTIONED REASONS) If one lives in a country, a culture, a family, and a time when most of these choices lie within ones personal control, without any pressure, and can be chosen without significant reduction in well being, then one is very fortunate indeed. It is worth stating that even when civil liberties and human rights are fully upheld, there are still many other variables which confine one’s choices within further fixed variables, some of which I explained before proceeding to answer this question. I have heard that you state you love all of humanity. What do you mean by this? When most people say “I love you” they mean they feel a deep affection, connection and emotion of strong “liking” to the recipient of that statement. When I say “I love you” I mean: I recognize you exist, your life is as valid as mine, you are deserving of all your human rights, I accept your back-story, I will do all I can to support your mental and physical health, and that I see in you the beauty of the essence of reality from the beginning of time to the present moment which makes you a human being. I have lived my life and will continue to live my life loving all of humanity – even the heinously damaged ones and unfortunate ignorant ones. I recognize that but for a few variables, I may very well have been one of them, and without the patient lending of time and efforts to such people by those who know better, no change will arise in the unfortunate who have not gained enlightenment on what civilized societies deem to be common-nonsensical. For me, love is not an emotion, love is a verb – it is a doing word. Love is the state of being one enters as a moral choice when an understanding of ones humanity and that of humanity at large are understood. There is no use in an emotion of love for a person if one’s actions are contrary to that emotion. I admonish those that are not sure they can enact the practicalities of love to refrain from stating this claim to another. It is better to state “I like you very much” or “I feel a great affection for you” than to make a proclamation of love which will not be upheld in actions which support that claim. And for those that truly love someone, I encourage them to say this often, for the continuation of life for any individual tomorrow is not guaranteed. Old age is not a given, it is a privilege and an honour. I have lived my life loving every human being I have ever encountered whether or not they deserve it. I have never found it necessary to have my love reciprocated. I am able to love people without having them as my friends. I have never found it necessary to like those that I love. I read that you dissolve some relationships. Can you please elaborate on this, especially in relation to your love of all humanity? Sure. When I dissolve a relationship, it simply means I refrain from any effort to seek contact with, or spend time with the person in question. It is possible for me to dissolve a relationship without a person being aware of it, because more often than not they do not contact me anyway, so I simply cease from contacting them. There is a level of reciprocity I expect when it comes to my personal relationships with my family and friends. I have lived my life as a great supporter in every context that upholds a healthy relationship and enhances the success of all fellows, but I have rarely been a recipient of the same. I have always practiced the yearly evaluation of all my relationships. I have always dissolved all relationships with those whom having studied, have proven they are incapable of a relationship dynamic with me which I view as healthy. I give everybody a ten year benefit of doubt – This is the time frame in which all are observed (unless one is particularly vile) before they are let go of. It is worth mentioning that I do the same study of myself on a small level daily, and on a wider level weekly, monthly and yearly. I dissolved my first major set of relationships at age 15, then age 25, and most recently at age 35. I must clarify that my dissolving of a relationship relates to the time I offer a person, not the love I have for a person. I never stop loving the people with whom I abstain from the level of contact I would give a friend. The reason for this is because I love all humanity (I.e. I do what I can to aid humanity whether or not that aid is deserved). I simply renegade such people into non-allocated time, but rather civilized conduct if we happen to meet. It is worth stating that my dissolving of relationships is never instigated by personal hurt or a feeling of being let down. Those that know me very well know that I give little importance to emotions beyond that of inspecting the issues those emotions have chosen to bring to my attention by looking at the evidence. It is extremely difficult to hurt my feelings, yet alone lose contact with me for doing so. I dare say that when the people I have dissolved from being in my personal life are in extreme hardship, it is still usually I, not the ones whom they invest their efforts that STOPS – LISTENS – AND PRACTICALLY HELPS until they are back on their feet. It is unfortunate that there are many who think they care about me, but do not act as if they do. Such people are equally incompatible with me, as they do not understand what I deem as the basics in the sustenance of healthy relationships. There are many for whom I have sacrificed in ways that almost bankrupted me and almost cost my physical and mental health, who would not give me their saliva if I were dying of thirst, yet this knowledge has never prevented me from helping a person in genuine need. When the period of aid is over, I return to refraining from having them be any part of my deliberately organized personal time and social life. To those that treat(ed) me like I do not exist, I am happy to accept this position in their lives, I am gladly dead to them. I will and have resurrected in their times of dire need. They can share their deep affection for me and their gratitude for whatever positive impact I had on their lives at the funeral of my physical body. To these I say farewell and as always best wishes. I clarify further that these statements are with regards to non-reciprocated personal relationships I hold with adults over the age of twenty five, not mentorship, pro bono work, etc. where the context of relationship is obviously and necessarily unevenly balanced with the scales tipped on the end of the aider. Using correct terms is very important to me because it is part of the telling of truth. It is for this reason that I do not introduce anyone or contextualize anyone within a relationship category which I do not hold with them. It takes a lot for me to call someone my friend. If such a statement is not yet absolute, then they will be introduced as my regular acquaintance, my peer, my protégé or whatever the context of our relationship may be. A word of advice that I would like to give with respect to relationships is to always put yourself first and your family first. This is the proper order – These are the primary priorities. Do not withhold from yourself or deny your family in order to help another. If you cannot afford to give it, do not loan it. Never grow weary of doing good and helping those with genuine needs. But know that if your aid will lead to an unhealthy impact in your quality of life, you do not yet have sufficiently to give, so aid in another way. What is the best advice you have ever been given?
I am yet to experience advice, or a life truth reminder, which I don’t already know, don’t already practice, or which has been greater in wisdom than the advice I give myself. I have learnt most things from the books of people who are specialists in the field in which I sometimes seek information or clarity. I have received advice from some very genuine, well meaning, elderly, highly educated, religious leaders and high profile individuals, which I have often found to be poor and against some of my fundamental principles of compassion, the equality of all human beings and a proper understanding of the self and the ego. I have never sought the opinion or guidance of another in my PERSONAL life. However, I have fully listened to advice which has been given to me although I did not ask for it. I listened completely with an open mind in case there is something new I might learn, and with gratitude that the person cared enough about my well being to advise me (although this has not always been the motive for all who choose to advise me.) Unfortunately, I have thrown 99.9% of external advice I have been given away because it is usually crap. I always have an inward smile for the people who have advised me based on their own insecurities. It is almost as though they forget the evidence of my behaviour over the years, as I listen to them project their fears and other weaknesses onto me. - E.g. the advice I receive regarding success: “You must know that no matter how successful you are, you should never think you are better than anyone, you must never inflate your own importance, you are not God”. This is all said whilst they simultaneously worship the humans they have made gods without flinching about the certainty of their divinity, from gurus, to popes, to pastors, to celebrities, to themselves, when they speak to others who they deem as beneath them. - The advice that I must always remember at the heart of everything I am a fool: This is usually said by a much older person who feels the need to put me in my place before proceeding to ask for my advice, my counsel and or my company. - The advice that I must know that I have only touched a grain from the wealth of existent wisdom, so I should consider the reasoning/position/dogma of the adviser as being as wise as my own: This is usually spoken by a person who has just started their journey on the self development path and are acquainting themselves with the reasoning processes that go with the accumulation of paradigm shifting information which has is new to them, but which more often than not I learnt over twenty years ago. After several years, if they continue this journey of self discovery and self development, they usually dismiss their previous dogmas as they progress to deeper thinkers who were able to debunk earlier “spiritual” fallacies with logic and science, into what are now accepted facts and acceptable premisses for the construction of a logical argument. I have had people vigorously defend that I must respect their advice and or opinion whether or not I agree with it. I have clarified that I will accept their position, but I will not necessarily respect it unless I deem it respectable. I am not of the view that all opinions are of equal value and wisdom. Some opinions are well informed, some are wise, some are ignorant, some of dangerous and some are down right unethical. I do not tolerate dangerous or unethical opinions. I always clarify the grounds on which I accept but do not necessarily respect the former. - The advice that I should remember that I can never really make much of a difference in anyone’s life, as the path to grow can only be made personally: Though the latter part of the statement is accurate, some people would indeed lose their minds and sometimes their health, their homes and their jobs, were it not for the intervention of others. This is usually the advice that I get after I have dedicated several months or years to a person who was in a crisis, who upon the end of their challenges want to validate their overcoming strength which was arrived at “entirely on their own”. It is sadly my observance that it is often those who are lacking in substance, lacking in experience, lacking in practice and who are full of hot air, who are often the most arrogant, dogmatic, needy people who are heavy-laden with insecurities. One pin and there goes their ego, deflated, yet ready to pounce. I have managed a lot of egos in my many years as a life coach. It is always my pleasure to listen, to catch the remnants of truth, to grow and to mentally dismiss a lot of nonsense. The moment when one stops listening, stops learning and stops growing, is a dangerous moment indeed. I must just clarify that my throwing away of the majority of advice I have been given is not a statement to be interpreted as though I view myself as knowing it all. Not only do I not know it all, and know that I will never know it all, but I also know that nobody does and nobody can ever know it all. I clarify that I simply focus the source of my “advice” (information) from the expertise of the best in any given subject matter in which I am seeking clarity. I tend to get this clarity from books if the answer is not within myself. I have never gotten the fundamental answers to the great questions of life from religious books or “spiritual gurus”. They may make a few statements which I deem as wise, as does a three year old, a homeless person, a sick person and any other human being. But I have found the deep answers to the big questions including that of optimizing human life experience from the core sciences and social sciences of philosophy, psychology, sociology and history. I must also clarify that my knowledge and wisdom does not stop me from making mistakes. I am not perfect, just as no human being is not perfect. There are times when I err, times when I need to apologize, times when my phrasing (particularly in a live show/moment) is not the best – However, I recognize this quickly, apologize fully and remember to avoid a repetition of the same error. I am sometimes a fool, the difference is I can see when I am being a fool, and admit is quickly. To make matters clearer, I state that I have found no one who is a better expert and wiser about MY life than myself. I aid people to get to the point where they can say the same, I simply began the learning of this process earlier than most. What do you do if someone asks you for your opinion or to make a choice? I always give my honest opinion when asked. If it is a choice regarding matters which don’t pertain to MY personal life I am usually happy for the other person to make the choice. Anyone who starts a sentence with “I hope you don’t mind if” usually doesn’t know me well. I don’t mind most things so long as they are not unethical. I don’t mind which restaurant I eat at, which film I watch, what another wants to wear, where I go on holiday, and other trivial matters of choice. I usually let another choose what they prefer so they have maximized happiness as I will usually enjoy myself anyway. Is there any part of yourself that you don’t like?
No. I know myself very well. I made it a point from the time I was a child to do so. I don’t think there’s any part of me I don’t like. This should not be interpreted as a proclamation or inference of perfection. It means nothing more than I genuinely like myself. You are very confident in yourself, in your abilities, and your wisdom. Yes, I am. I know myself extremely well and I know my abilities and weaknesses very well. I am intelligent and I know it. I am wise and I know it. I am foolish at times, and I know it and correct it quickly. I am foolish minimally because I am more wise than I am foolish. If a person states that they are more foolish than they are wise, then I advise you to believe them and not take them as your therapist or mentor. I am confident in my abilities because I dedicated myself to the study of the maximization of a successful human life experience and the practice of the lessons learned. It is easy to know if any aspect of my character which I state is exaggerated. Simply asking anyone who has had an encounter with me; they will confirm that what I say about myself both professionally and personally are true. They will all say the same thing – She is an exceptionally good human being who is strict but not judgmental. You certainly speak and write with a lot of authority. Yes I do. It is an authority that I have earned. I am not a newcomer into the world of Personal Development, the optimizing of Mental Health and what some (NOT I) refer to as “Spiritual” teachings. I have been in this field for 25 years and I have worked very hard to get to where I am today, both on myself and in my career. I am able to dramatically change the lives of people for the better by teaching what I have learned and what I practice. It would be something of a paradox if I were insecure about myself bearing all this in mind – I doubt that would make me a good Motivational Speaker and Writer. Self confidence is not arrogance, these two traits are often confused. The latter is a proud distortion of the ego pertaining to ones relevance, the former is simply an acknowledgement of ones abilities. I am a leader and I know it. It is the practice of theory that separates a leader from a teacher. I am humble and I know it. I will not put myself down in order to give a false sense of humility. There are wiser and more intelligent people in this world than me and I know it. I know exactly who I am – I am a nobody who knows how to live and teach about living with good mental and physical health. It is nothing more complex than this. I am easily replaceable and I know it. Have you always been this confident? Yes. Do you have any insecurities or have you ever had any insecurities as a child? No. Were you ever bullied as a child or an adult? No. A few people have attempted this, but it never took. I refused to be bullied. I made friends with those that attempted to bully me and I helped them to change their lives. What things do you find difficult?
Wearing clothes, climbing stairs, carrying things, sleeping and breathing. POLITICS Are you involved in any way in politics? No. Will you ever be involved in any way with politics? No. Are you a Democrat or Republican? Democrat. THE SUPERNATURAL Do you believe in fate, destiny or synchronicity? No. Do you believe some things are ‘meant to be’? No. What is your star sign? That is irrelevant. Do you believe in star signs or horoscopes? No. It is a bunch of crap. If a person is that eager to hear news about the what lays in store for their life they should either open a Chinese fortune cookie, or go seek therapy where they will get better advice than reading their horoscope. Do you believe in lucky charms or luck based on patterned behaviour? E.g. always doing something before a gig, always wearing a certain item for an exam etc? No. Do you believe in reading cards, reading tea leaves, fortune tellers etc. No. That is all nonsense. Are you superstitious in any way? No. Do you believe in anything mystical?
No. Do you believe in life after death?
No. I do not believe in an afterlife. Do you believe in karma? No. I do not believe in Karma, which is the idea that the universe, an omnipotent force, or God, situates people in their current reality in this life based on what they deserve or what they need in order to learn the lessons of life, from their behaviour in their PREVIOUS LIVES. If we were all to live our current reality based on our past life choices, and we were all to live exactly what we deserve, then human beings would be extinct. I refuse to see sick people, disabled people, deformed people, abused people, those born into poverty, victims of natural disasters, those that lose family members in accidents etc. as all being given exactly what they deserve. This myopic karmic nonsense is not only illogical but is also fundamentally unethical. I believe good things happen to good people and bad people, and bad things happen to good people and bad people. Karma is different from the principle of calculated investment and return, reciprocity, or reaping the seeds of ones’ labour through choices within ones’ control in THIS life time. I do not believe in past lives or karma. Do you believe in reincarnation and past lives?
No. Do you believe people can communicate with the dead? No. I do not believe that people can communicate with the dead because communication goes both ways. I see nothing wrong with anyone who wishes to speak to their dead loved ones. However, I do not believe the loved one will respond. Do you believe in seances and the abilities of special individuals who can communicate with the dead? No. Are you afraid of death? No. If you knew you were going to die tomorrow how would you feel? I would be happy to take my eternal rest because I would be grateful to have experienced the phenomenon called life as human being. If I am to stay alive, I would be happy because I will continue to give of myself in any small way to better humanity. Both options are equally valid and equally pleasing to me. What do you think happens when we die? I believe at that point we will be dead. Do you have any fears? No. Wouldn’t you be afraid if you were laid in a bed full of snakes? If I was placed in a bath full of scorpions I would be scared. If I was thrown out of a plane without a parachute or no prior knowledge or training in sky-jumping, I would be scared. Don’t ask me stupid questions which bare no relation to reality – these are circumstances to which a level of fear is justified, automated and kicks in adrenaline to help tackle the situation. When it comes to real life and death, I have no real fears. If you could have a supernatural power what would it be? Just a small reminder, I said, don’t ask me stupid questions. RELIGION, PHILOSOPHY & ETHICS
Are you religious? No. Are you spiritual? No. Do you think the universe is conscious or sentient? No. Are you a creationist?
No. I do not believe in intelligent design. Do you believe in evolution?
I answer “yes” with minute trepidation simply because I can no more say I believe in evolution, any more than I can say I believe I am a woman. It is a fact that I am a woman. To say I believe I am a woman or a human is pointless. Evolution is – period. Are you a theist?
No. I do not believe in the theology of any religion. Are you a deist?
No. I do not believe in any deity, supernatural power, or a ruler of the universe. What is your opinion of the Pope, the Dalai Lama and spiritual gurus?
They are all human beings therefore I love them. They should be treated with their full human rights like every human being. However, with regard to their religious leadership, they are inconsequentially insignificant and irrelevant to my life. What is your view of general religious leaders, like priests, rabbis, imans etc.?
I view those that speak with absolute certainty, about that which cannot be known absolutely, or proven factually, with the highest degree of caution. Few are genuine even in their belief and or acceptance of ALL parts of the theology of their religion, often picking out what they like and leaving the rest. Many more are remarkably disingenuous in their practical adherence to the religious doctrines they propagate. What is your view of religious people?
Same as above. There is usually an astounding gap between that which is believed and vigorously defended, and that which is actually practiced. It is a shame how little the majority know about the fundamentals of the theology and origins of their religion. Do you have religious family members and friends? Yes. Almost all my British family are non-practicing Catholics. All my Ghanaian family are devout Protestant Christians. My Indian family are almost all Hindu. 99% of my friends are Christians, of which 10% of my friends are religious leaders. I treat all people with respect irrespective of my views about their faith. My difference in theology to that of my circle has not posed any hindrance to the sustenance of my relationships. Although I must point out that I take extra care to avoid political and religious apologetic discussions unless I am directly asked for my opinion. I tend to limit my opinion on these topics even when asked, as I have observed that people tend to get very sensitive about these topics. Do you attend Catholic Mass, A Protestant Church or Hindu temples? Yes. I also attend Mosques, Synagogues, Sikh Temples, Buddhist Temples, Taoist Temples and other places of faith. I do so for weddings, dedications, christenings, funerals, as company when I visit my family abroad (only if they desire me to go), and as places of cultural and architectural interest when I am on holiday. I have attended many religious ceremonies including the priestly ordination of approximately twenty of my friends. I support all my friends in all the key markers of their lives thoroughly, irrespective of whether or not I agree in principle to what they are doing, so long as it is not a human rights violation. How do your friends and family feel about your religious position? It is the desire of many that I become a religious/spiritual leader. I will never be a religious/spiritual anything. There are many who enjoy my company very much, but who vehemently reject my philosophy. They have yet to figure out that it is the full practice of my philosophy and ethics that makes them enjoy my company so much. Do you pray? No. With regards to myself, if I want to see I change within me, I work on my character or whatever the issue of change may be. If I desire to attain something, I work hard for that which I want. If I want to see someone who is hurting themselves or others change, I talk to them about my grievances rather than asking God to manipulate their brain waves and biochemistry, which would be a breach of their free will. With regards to praying for other people who are going through difficulties, I help people practically. If there is nothing practical I can do to help, I visit. If a visit isn’t appropriate, I call. If I cannot get hold of the person on the phone, I send an email, card or text. If this too is not possible, I wish them well in my head, and I begin the sequence of trying to voice my encouragement by communicating with them again every two weeks. Do you celebrate Christmas? No. Do you buy people Christmas presents? No. I used to give Christmas presents as a child. However, as an adult, I give everybody their birthday present at Christmas and say “Happy Birthday and Happy New Year”. It is an efficient way for me to distribute birthday presents to those whom I otherwise would see very little of during the year. Do you support the separation of church and State? Yes. Are you a member of any society or group with an organized philosophy? No. Do you believe objective morality is possible without religion? Yes. What framework would you say your philosophy falls into? You can say I am a freethinker. The Modus Operandi with which I live my life is through the lens of science, reason, logic, ethics, human rights, compassion and gratitude. Have you ever lied? Yes. I have told four lies in my lifetime. I remember each lie well. I told two lies as a child to protect my family and I told two lies as an adult to protect myself and my children. I had severe panic attacks and night terrors when I lied. Lying contradicts my nature; I prefer to be beaten than to lie. Have you ever done anything you’re ashamed of? Yes. What did you do which you are ashamed of? The lie I told to protect myself and my children. I should have let the last set of children I looked after go sooner. If I had done that then my forth lie would not have been necessary, as I would only have had to look after myself. I led an extremely moral life, I am told my ethical standards are not the norm. So when I told this lie, it saddened me in my core. I hope to never lie again, I don’t believe my heart can take it. ANIMALS Do you like animals?
Yes, very much so. Do you have any pets?
No. But I think the only acceptable pets are cats, dogs and horses. They appear to be the only animals that thrive with human contact. I am of the opinion that if a pet must be kept in a cage e.g. rabbit, snake, birds, etc., then they are being wrongfully imprisoned. I have not yet made up my mind about fish tanks. Will you ever get a pet?
I highly doubt it. My boyfriend wants a dog. If he gets one it will be his responsibility entirely. I have no current need to take care of a creature, or have companionship through a animal. However, I see nothing wrong with those that do. Dogs are excellent companions particularly for the sick and the elderly. It is proven that they help with speedier recovery in the sick, mental upliftment in the depressed, and generally bring a lot of people joy. I prefer to spend my limited free time on the creative things which give me more pleasure than taking care of the needs of an animal. I use my free time for charity work and my hobbies. What are your views on hunting?
I do not like it. But it is better that trigger-happy-people get the shooting out of their system with animals than with people. Do you think the private ownership of guns is acceptable?
No. I think that the only people who should own guns are the military, the police and other law enforcement bodies. Those that enjoy hunting should be able to hire guns on the hunting grounds, and those that need to practice their shooting skills should be able to hire guns at the shooting range. I see no reason for private individuals to own guns. The fact that guns are readily purchasable in American stores like Walmart is deplorable to me. What are your views on zoos?
Unless it is a reservation park, a safari, or some sort of animal rescue zoo, I am not interested. Animals should not be placed in cages for humans to stare at. Animals should not be used in circuses. Seals, dolphins, whales etc. are not here to entertain us. There are plenty of talented people to perform for our pleasure. Animals should be left in their natural habitats. What are your views on using animals for manual labour?
If it is a poor country, I see no problem with a horse, an elephant being used for transport, or a bull helping to ease farming tasks etc. If one can afford it, my preference would be that those tasks are left to machines, and animals are left to live their lives with our intervention only if they are hurt, becoming endangered, or posing a direct threat to humans.. What are your views on animals being used in sport?
I take no pleasure in horse racing or other sports involving animals. I see no need for it. Riding a horse as a means of transportation is one thing, forcing a horse to practice and perform is another thing entirely. Breeding and manipulating dogs and other animals into fighting is sickening. Do you wear real fur?
No. I cannot afford it. When I can afford it, if for whatever reason I choose to wear real fur, I will ensure that any fur I wear comes from a reputable ethical source that takes fur from dead animals rather than breeding or killing animals specifically for fur. Do you wear real leather?
Yes. Some of my belts, bags and shoes are made of leather. I cannot say with any degree of honesty that I know their source – It appears I have some homework to do. Do you wear wool?
No. But only because I am allergic to it. I see no point in wasting the naturally growing “hair” of sheep. What are your views on animal testing?
It is a necessary evil. It is better than testing on humans. I am grateful to all the animals who have suffered great burdens, reduced life quality e.g. having an ear growing on their back, and even lost their lives for the betterment of humanity in scientific and medical testing. I’m not talking about testing makeup or other frivolous things on animals. I am referring to necessary testing for scientific and medical advancement for the saving of human lives. Do you think that human lives are more important than that of animals?
Yes. Why do you think that human beings are more important than animals?
Because human beings have evolved to a state where we have developed consciousness, conscientiousness and conscience, to a degree which is unrivaled by any other creature on earth – That is why we are at the top of the food chain on this planet. I do not see a buffalo putting together a peace plan for the Middle East. I do not see a giraffe researching and effectuating the conservation of endangered species, I doubt a bullfrog will be researching cures for aids and cancers, and I highly doubt that a chicken will be sending a space shuttle to the moon anytime soon. But although we are the most intelligent on this planet, we are not always wise. It is a shame that so many of us are so incredibly stupid. Globally we are yet to have learnt from history the maintenance of basic human rights, peace with our neighbours and care for our planet. HEALTH & NUTRITION
Are you a vegan? No. Are you vegetarian? No. That is very surprising for someone who has such strong views about animal rights. Will you ever be a vegetarian? No. I see nothing wrong with a lion eating deer and I see nothing wrong with a human eating meat – It is in our food chain. We are a carnivorous species – this is part of what has lead us to evolve to our current state as homo sapiens sapiens. I always buy organic, free range, grass fed, pastured meat (if there is a choice), as I do not want to ingest pesticides, hormones and other genetic modifications. I eat red meat, white meat, game, fish, and seafood each once a week. Vegans, vegetarians, and all those who follow a diet of exclusion by choice and not out of medical necessity, should consult a nutritionist or dietician and test themselves regularly to ensure they’re nutritionally balanced. They should also take recommended supplements if deemed necessary after nutritional testing; particularly if they are not disciplined to follow the professional diet plan and advice they are given. That is not to say that carnivores automatically eat a balanced diet, everyone should keep tabs on their nutrition. Far too many people eat processed food, junk food and foods high in sugar and unnecessary chemicals. I see nothing wrong with a choice to be a vegetarian. I probably eat more fruits and vegetables than vegetarians because of my health issues, and my in ability to digest too much processed starch e.g. rice, pasta and bread. But I am not a vegetarian and I do not plan to be in the future. I always say thank you for every animal that gave its life for me and after that I eat it. Do you drink tap water? In developed countries, yes. In developing countries, no. I use a water filter at home. When outside of my home, e.g. at a friend’s house or in a restaurant, I drink tap water and usually eat whatever I am given, grateful that they took the time to prepare the meal even if I do not like it. Do you drink fizzy soda, tea, coffee, energy drink or ingest any form of stimulant? No. Do you have a sweet tooth? No. Do you have a savoury tooth? No. Do you have a bitter tooth? No. What kind of tooth do you have? I have a fruit and vegetable tooth. I have found since the age of 35, that I am increasingly craving a sweet thing after dinner. That sweet thing is usually watermelon or grapes. So I wait until my dinner has digested and I eat a few sweet fruits for dessert. Do you eat healthily? Yes. Extremely. Do you eat snacks like crisps, crackers, biscuits etc? No. I don’t usually crave these types of snacks. I eat fruits, raw vegetables, seeds and raisins as snacks. Once in a while I eat nachos or sweet popcorn at the cinema if I get a craving for it. Do you eat junk food? Yes. Once in a while I get a craving for it. It is rare, but does happen. The junk food I eat once in a while are fish and chips, pizza and KFC. What do you usually eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner? BREAKFAST: High fibre cereal (Fruit and Fibre, Weetabix, Shreddies, Oats or All Bran) with Greek yogurt, berries and a glass of orange juice. LUNCH: Meat (Red meat, poultry, fish, seafood or game) with steamed vegetables. SNACK: Seeds, nuts or a raw vegetable e.g. cucumber, carrots, celery without a dip. DINNER: Green leafy salad with basic vinaigrette of olive oil and balsamic vinegar. DESSERT: Some kind of melon, grapes or any sweet fruit. What are your go-to foods when you want to indulge or have a treat? Main meals: My mum’s beans stew with fried or grilled plantain, British fish and chips, slow cooked lamb shank with mashed potatoes, or a gourmet burger with rosemary fries. I also love freshly baked bread and butter. For dessert: Fruit crumble/ pie with custard, or my mum’s pancakes. Do you exercise? Yes. I walk and I stretch. Whenever I have the strength, I dance. Do you smoke, or have you ever tried a cigarette? No. Do you use, or have you ever tried recreational drugs? No. Do you drink alcohol or have you ever drunk alcohol? No. I see nothing wrong with drinking alcohol in moderation, however it is a contra-indication to my medication. On rare occasions I cook using alcohol if it is part of the recipe. I am permitted to ingest this because the alcohol is cooked out, but the food gains the flavour of the wine, beer or liquor. Are you overweight?
Yes. I need to lose 20lbs of excess weight for the sake of my health. Aesthetically I look fine, it is difficult to tell I am overweight. But my doctors have made it clear that I am overweight and that I need to lose 20lbs. I am overweight because I am not active enough. I am not active enough because of my health conditions, which are exacerbated by the cold and damp British weather limiting my ability to exercise. I exercise a lot in the summer and tend to be weaker in the winter. I usually put on weight every winter. I wear size 10 clothing. I know you have some medical problems. Can you please state them for the record? Yes. Asthma – Breathing problem Lupus – Dysfunction of the immune system attacking my organs Rheumatoid arthritis – Dysfunction of the immune system attacking my joints Fibromyalgia – Dysfunction of the nervous system attacking my muscles, ligaments, tendons and other soft tissue What is your life like living with these conditions? It is a life of daily struggle with pain and my energy levels. My fatigue is due to prolonged unrestful sleep. Every day is unpredictable and is dependent on the quality of sleep I had the night before, as well as the weather within a given month. Cold and damp weather exacerbate the pain, which affects my ability to sleep and continues the cycle of fatigue. I do not know what it feels like to live without pain. I probably wouldn’t know what to do with myself if that ever happened. I imagine being pain-free might be like not feeling anything at all. I find carrying things and wearing multiple layers of clothing (due to the weight it imposes on my body) one of the hardest things to do – Hence why I wear such few clothes. I am able to do anything and everything, it simply takes me much longer to recover from physical things than a healthy person. Have you ever resented your body? No. I am very grateful to my body. It has done an excellent job at keeping me alive so far. I shouldn’t even be here. I thank my body daily for all the things it can and does do right. WORK When did you start working?
At the age of eleven. What job did you do?
I was a Motivational Speaker, Life Coach and what is termed now as a Spiritual Teacher. Although I have never regarded anything I teach as being spiritual – I view it more as Mental Health Teacher. Eleven seems quite young to have done such a job.
Indeed. And yet I did all these jobs exceedingly well because I did not teach theory, I taught by practice. I lived what I taught. And I knew what I taught extremely well. Being of good character, living out good ethics, being of sound mental health, having an objective view of myself and facing reality healthily have never been a struggle to me. I have always practiced what I “preach”. I have always lived what I teach. I have never quite understood why even when a person comes to a point where they fully know and understand the difference between right and wrong, why they choose wrong. Perhaps it is a question of will power. Perhaps it is a desire to experience the bad at least once to add it to ones list of experimental studies. I know right and I do it. I have never found it more complicated than this. What other jobs have you done?
Age 13: I worked as an administrator for one year. Age 14: I worked as a cold caller for one month selling double glazing. I quit because I couldn’t stand calling strangers in order to sell a product. After I quit, I went back to being an administrator. Age 15: I worked two jobs. My first job was stacking shelves at boots from 5am – 08:45 before going to school. And I worked at B & Q (the hardware & home store) 17:30 – 20:30 as a till operative. Age 16: I worked as a cleaner in a cleaning factory 5am – 8am before college until the age of 18. Age 18: I worked as a security guard on the night shift 19:00 – 07:00 five days a week to pay my way through university. It is at age 18 that I retired from public Motivational Speaking and turned down all invitations to focus on my studies. However, I continued in private sessions Life Coaching and Professional Mentoring of disadvantaged youth for free. Early twenties: I worked as a psychological trauma consultant to victims of abuse, trauma and torture. Large part of twenties: Half dead. Late twenties: During my recovery from my medical crisis, when I regained my memory and was able to walk, talk, eat, poo etc. for a few hours per day, I took short vocational courses to practice talking, moving, conversational skills with folks other than my family. I volunteered with my limited energy and trained as a: Cook
Nail technician (manicures and pedicures)
Massage therapist An Anatomy & Physiology Consultant Nutritionist When my mind returned: I returned to being a Trauma Consultant Age 35: I returned to Life Coaching and Motivational Speaking. I also became a Writer and an Entrepreneur. Have you ever done any charity work? If so what are they? Yes plenty. Age 11 – Fully organized and shipped clothing drives for Africa Age 12 – Fully organized and shipped canned and dried food drives for Africa Age 13 – Fully organized and shipped shoe drives for Africa Age 14 – Fully organized and shipped educational book drives for Africa Age 15 – Volunteered at an Old People’s Home. I visited the same home once a week for one year. I sat with the old people, talked with them, read to them and sang to them. Age 16 – 19 – Youth leader of youth club Age 16 – 19 – Talent scout and music concert organizer with all profits going to orphanages in Africa. Age 18 – 35 – Free Life Coaching and Mentoring of disadvantaged youth, abused women and the homeless. Practical aid for the desperate and destitute with the items of their need – From food, shelter, money, educational support, cars, paying people’s mortgages to prevent foreclosure or bankruptcy. 30 – 35 – All of the above stated charitable work, and being an End of Life Support Worker for terminally ill patients and their families. What is your view of prostitution?
It is a valid profession so long as the prostitute is not being forced, bullied, coerced, manipulated etc. into it. Prostitutes should always use sexual protection and pay taxes like the rest of us. Some people are exceptionally good at it and thoroughly enjoy it. But the psyche of the majority of women makes prostitution inconceivable as a profession to them. And so it is a good thing that the majority in society are not and will never be prostitutes, even though some live as though they are without charging any fees. Some prostitutes save marriages, for it is more acceptable to some women than having an affair. Some very open minded women are not only fully knowledgeable, but also fully encourage their husbands to use prostitutes for any number of reasons, from their simple disinterest in sex, to being unable to have enjoyable sex because of illness or disability. What do you think of child stars?
It is not healthy for any individual to become famous before the age of thirty. One becomes scientifically an adult at the age of 25. Between the age of 25 – 30 huge leaps happen in the “soul” growth of a person which prepares them for their thirties. It is in these years that one truly begins to mature and discovers who one is, who one wants to be, how one will get there, and the skills of maintaining both individual goals with family balance. The psyche of a child and young person is very weak and dangerously malleable towards developing an ego which is not based on reality. Therefore it is my opinion that child/youth performers of any kind limit their performances/public exposure to once a year, and live a normal life the rest of the time, whilst practicing their craft out of the public eye. Once a person comes into the spotlight, it is incredibly easy for them to lose their way if they are not yet ready for it. Once a person begins to get public attention, for many it can be extremely addictive, with many high and lows based on the numbers of perceived admirers. One can be brought down devastatingly faster than one often takes to climb up as celebrity. Cyber friends are most of the time not ones real friends and probably will never be. It is important to have a respect for ones fan base whilst understanding that the cyber world is not the real world, that the cyber world can be very addictive for some, and that the cyber world is highly capricious. Few people are ready for any kind of dominant public exposure before the age of 30, yet alone being ready for a “celebrity” life before then. There are many adults nowadays who want instant fame as a celebrity or overnight success even in business. They have no idea that instant fame/success would probably be the beginning of their demise. Most people do not have a psyche strong enough to cope healthily with a fast track to “glory”. There is something in a steady pace, hard work, consistency, focus and determination over several years, that makes one appreciate what one has truly earned and not had given without significant effort. The journey is what keeps the average person humble as they climb the ladder of success. You stated in one of your posts that you have not written anything creative for 12 years. Do you mean that all the content on your website including all of your poetry are new? If yes. how did you write all of this?
Yes, all the content on my website is new. I have not yet loaded my website with any content I wrote prior to getting sick, including my poetry. So, yes, all the poetry on my website are new. I have not loaded my website with the 43 poems which remain on my phone which I wrote in the last 3 months which came to me during the building of my website. And I will not load my website with all my poems because I am compiling them for a poetry book I intend to publish. My blogs will move from poetry, to posts regarding our humanity. To answer the latter part of your question, writing comes easily to me. I simply write what my brain is narrating. My brain and I are at one, so the writing simply flows out of me. Where do you get your inspiration for your poetry, songs and posts?
I don’t get inspiration. Things pop into my head and I write about them. I love going for long walks. Most topics, ideas and songs come to me when I am walking. Some also come to me when I’m showering and when I am sleeping. It is rare that I sit down and decide to write about a topic which hasn’t had dozens and sometimes hundreds of micro-notes jotted down. I write down every little idea. I don’t often dismiss ideas, because if some are not appropriate for me to say, write or sing, I pass them on to another for whom it is better suited. How did your family and friends respond to your website and your newly published book? They must be very excited and very proud of you! I do not know how most of my family and friends feel about my website, my work, or my book because they have not expressed anything to me regarding these things. I am underwhelmed with support from both my family and my friends with regard to the publishing of my book. I notified just under 400 people of my website and my book – These are all people who I know very well and have known for a period of 5 – 36 years. I have received a reply from approximately 15 people to date (12/9/14) who have congratulated me. My eFlyer has been shared on Facebook by 3 people to date (12/9/14). I am aware of a few people who have sent the eFlyer of my book to some of their contacts. I am neither surprised by this or disappointed by this. As I said in my answer to one of your previous questions, this is the way my life has generally been. I have encouraged hundreds and I have been an exceptional friend and family member to many. I have remembered every special occasion, celebrated every key marker with gifts and praise, and supported in extraordinary ways the lives of approximately 93 people. There is a disconnect in reciprocity that seems to be part of human nature with a full expectation of support when it comes to their own affairs. So I will succeed with minimal support as always. I am about to fly To many this will be goodbye They will not wonder why 25 years of sacrifice Now off my wings Go All of those Who Slow down my aerodynamics It is time for me to shine As I do I light the path So others see and follow the way It has always been practice to aid all to rise For it is my desire that together we will shine. ENTERTAINMENT & MEDIA
Do you read newspapers? No. Do you read magazines? No. Do you listen to the radio? Only when I am driving – I listen to LBC talk radio. Do you watch the news? No. I only listen to the news when I am driving and the news comes on the radio. I check the weather on my phone when I wake up to ensure there are no announcements of a storm heading my way. It is at this time that I see new headlines, and unless they concern things I deem important like human rights, I do not click to read the article. Do you watch television? Rarely. I watch television when I am ironing. I prefer watching films and documentaries on Netflix. What do you watch when you watch television? I watch whatever is available when I am ironing. What I watch usually falls into these categories: INFORMATION: Documentary Channels, The History Channel, National Geographic/ Animal channels, Biography Channel AWARD SHOWS: The Oscars, The Golden Globes, The BAFTAS, The Grammys TALK SHOWS: Oprah, The Talk, Loose Women FASHION SHOWS: Fashion Police (I do not like pictures of people about their private lives. I.e. pictures which are not taken on the red carpet or an official event.) TALENT SHOWS: X-Factor (U.K. & U.S.A.), The Voice (U.K. & U.S.A.), American Idol, Britain’s Got talent, America’s Got Talent, So you think you can dance, Got to dance HOME IMPROVEMENT: Grand Designs COMEDY SHOWS: Stand up comedy, Frasier, South Park, Family Guy If you watch television only when you are ironing, what do you do for entertainment when you are not ironing? If I am well I dance, go for walks, try new recipes, cook and invite people over, do charity work, go to restaurants, go to the theatre and I travel. If I am housebound I read, watch Netflix, and watch Youtube (documentaries and people dancing) What are your views on reality T.V. and reality T.V. stars? Unless it’s a talent show, which I suppose one can say falls on the outer boundaries of Reality T.V., I don’t watch it. Reality T.V. is just not for me. It is a great pity that television companies and producers put so much money into trash T.V., when there are much better stories they should be telling, and much better information they should be sharing. Trash T.V. shows are like tabloid newspapers – They exist because dumb people continue to buy, read and watch them. It is unfortunate that some people aspire to be on trash T.V. shows, as an actual life goal and a means of fame without talent. I suppose one can be say that in very least the stars of the Realty T.V. shows are legally earning a living. I use the word “earning” loosely. If one is disgusted by the financial rewards of trash t.v. stars, then I suggest one boycotts those shows so they don’t get the ratings, the advertising and the pay. What do you think of celebrities who perform in their underwear, swimming costumes, and other outfits along these lines? A) I am of the opinion that there is never an artistic reason to sing in one’s underwear. It is not for art – let’s call a space a spade – it is for vanity and attention. If that is what they want, it is a valid choice, but being pretentious about their motives makes them the ridicule of all those who have a brain. B) To the female artists who state that are all about empowering women whilst singing their draws, a breakdown of their logic is needed. C) Sex sells – advertising 101. Sex appeal is one way for less talented female performers to get noticed by record companies and the public. I have more respect for those who unashamedly state that they are playing to system to get noticed like Cher and Madonna, than those pretending their lack of clothes is for some positive purpose. D) To the women who state they are dancing in underwear so we can see the movements of their legs, I suppose none of us could properly appreciate the movements of arguably best dancer that has ever lived, Michael Jackson, because the trousers he wore made us miss the intricacies of his movements. Absolute nonsense.
Do you keep your nails short, medium or long?
Extremely short. I can’t get anything done with long nails. I know many women can, but I found nails to get in my way, so I keep mine very short. Do you wear nail varnish?
No, I never have. But I paint the nails of my family members and friends. I see nothing wrong with wearing nail varnish. Do you wear false nails?
No, I never have. But I have applied false nails for my family members and friends. I see nothing wrong with wearing false nails. But one must be careful not to get addicted to this, as overuse of false nails can destroy the nail bed due to the continued use of false nail adhesives and removers. Do you wear glasses? Yes. When at home. Do you wear contacts?
Yes. When outdoors. Do you wear makeup?
Yes. But usually on special occasions. Do you wear false eyelashes?
Yes. But usually on special occasions. Do you wear high heels?
Yes. But usually on special occasions. Do you wear clip-in hair pieces?
Yes. But usually on special occasions. Do you wear hair weaves?
Yes. But usually on special occasions. Do you wear wigs?
Yes. Often. Do you a brazier?
Yes. But usually on special occasions. Do you wear clothes?
Yes. But usually on special occasions. I usually wear a cloth, a night gown, or pyjamas at home. I wear comfortable clothing if I must pop out. I find wearing clothes uncomfortable, so I avoid wearing clothes as much as possible. Do you use filters on your pictures?
No, no yet. Other people’s pictures always look so cool with filters. But whenever I put a filter on mine before placing it on Instagram, it just looks weird. So I tend to leave my photos without filters. Perhaps I’ll get the hang of using filters it in the future, but this is not any part of my life goals. Do you Photoshop your pictures?
Yes, sometimes. If I see a zit, a make-up error e.g. panda eyes, a piece of flab from a weird angle, my bra strap exposed, my cleavage showing etc. I do ask for it to be Photoshopped. I do not create thigh gaps in my images in Photoshop. Do you have cellulite and stretch-marks?
Yes, of course. Do you wear control underwear?
Yes. I wear control shorts every day, simply because I have extremely sensitive skin. It stops me from getting sores when the top of my inner thighs touch and rub themselves. I do not have a naturally occurring thigh gap like Beyonce. I used to use anti-chaffing cream but that was quickly absorbed into my skin and required regular trips to the toilet for reapplication. When I switched to using talcum powder on my upper inner thighs, this was sometimes messy and also required too many trips to the rest room for reapplication. From the time I was a teenager, I wore bicycle shorts under my clothes to prevent skin sores. As an adult, I found shorts which are undergarments at my local department store and have worn those since. Do you wax or shave?
I used to shave. But I had laser hair removal in my early twenties on every part of my body, so now shaving is not necessary, but for a few stubborn hairs which I tweeze out from under my chin. I was never a terribly hairy person, I just did not like to waste time shaving. I thread my eyebrows. Have you had any plastic surgery?
No. But I see nothing wrong with having cosmetic plastic surgery. It helps a lot of people with very real issues about their appearance, whether immediately visible to an outsider e.g. their face, or is known only to them and their intimate partners e.g. their genitals. It is essential that one does thorough research to ensure their ultimate safety before, during and after cosmetic surgery, in much the same way as they should for medically necessary surgery. It is also essential to ensure that the patient does not suffer from body dysmorphia and that they are not using surgery to escape from dealing with psychological issues. Cosmetic surgery can be addictive. So if one is at “Michael Jackson levels of surgery”, then one has a problem and should seek professional help. Would you ever consider plastic surgery and if so what would you have done? Yes. When I can afford it I will use liposuction to reduce the fatty tissue in my inner thighs to prevent my inner thighs from rubbing. This is not because I plan on singing to anyone in my swimming costume on stage, but because it would finally free me from wearing skin-tight shorts under all my dresses and skirts, which is unnecessarily cumbersome, particularly when using the toilet in the summer. The rubbing of my inner thighs has existed from my childhood and remained even in the height of my illness when I was emaciated, so in my case this problem is not weight related, it is simply the genetics of my fat distribution. Do you wear coloured contacts?
No. But I might try it if I get in the mood. Some people say they can’t stand those that wear coloured contacts because it is so pretentious. I think such folks need to chillax. I view coloured contacts in the same way as I view control underwear, dying ones hair, wearing makeup, wearing wigs and so on – It is simply an expression of fashion and enhances certain features, looks and outfits at times. We all modify ourselves at one time or another from our completely natural state. I don’t see any big deal with most expressions of fashion. What do you think of so many black people dying their hair blonde or wearing blonde weaves? Do you think they are trying to be white?
White woman have been dying their hair blonde and lighter shades than their natural hair colour for decades and I don’t believe they are trying to be whiter. With the exception of the Scandinavians, most of the world is naturally dark haired in all continents of the world. The hair-dying industry is a multi-billion dollar industry which is dominated by white women. Some white women don’t even remember their natural hair colour. I see nothing wrong with black, Asians, South Americans, or anyone for that matter dying their hair whatever colour they want. It is simply an expression of fashion. Once again, people need to chillax. What is your view of tattoos, piercings and other body art?
Whatever floats your boat. I think it is best to avoid names of romantic relationship partners in case the relationship does not last. What is your view of permanent makeup, i.e. tattooed makeup on the face? It is very practical for those who like wearing makeup daily and for those who like outdoor activities and want their face to look good for themselves, their companions and or their pictures. How would you describe your fashion? I love fashion but I have rarely been “in-fashion” because I simply buy clothes that I love whether or not they are in line with seasonal trends. My fashion sense is eclectic. I love many different styles but tend to wear classic, elegant pieces. Which high street brands do you shop at most often for your clothes? Monsoon Coast Wallis Principles Oasis Next River Island Warehouse Joy Dorothy Perkins Top Shop Matalan Bonmarche Sainsburys Tescos Asda Markets I’m sorry I said clothing stores not grocery stores. I heard the question. I buy my clothes and jewellery from grocery stores as well. Do you own any designer clothes? Not that I know of. I buy what I like and I buy what I can afford. As far as I know, I don’t think I have ever bought anything which is deemed “high fashion”. However, I am not opposed to such a purchase if I can afford such an item in the future and I genuinely like it. What do you think of celebrities young and old who don’t wear underwear and have been snapped bearing their vaginas? Some use the excuse that their outfit would show a visible panty line if they wore underwear. This is complete nonsense which insults the intelligence of the general public regarding their obvious desire for attention. It is a great pity that some people will do anything for fame and attention. There is no viable reason to flash the world the entry point to your ovaries. Visible panty line is not a crime, at least it shows you’re wearing underwear. Besides, there are many types of underwear designed to stop VPL. It is one thing for others to lose respect for you, it is even sadder when one loses respect for themselves. HOUSE & HOME Do you recycle?
Yes, of course. I’ve been recycling for the last 25 years since I was a child. I was recycling long before it became popular to do so. Those days I had to go out of my way to attend recycling plants. Thankfully now the district council collects household recycling once a week. Are you tidy?
Yes. Very. Are you organized?
Yes. Very. Are you clean?
Yes. Very. Are you obsessively clean and tidy?
No. I’m not obsessive about anything in my life. Are you able to go to bed leaving a pile of dishes unwashed?
Yes, of course. Do you do housework?
Yes, of course. What housework do you do?
Everything. Daily cooking with necessary cleaning afterwards and weekly household shopping, laundry, ironing, change of bedding, vacuuming, and change of towels every four days. I spring clean once a year. What is the first thing you do when you get home?
I take off my wig, then my coat, shoes, clothes and bra, and change into something very comfortable. QUICK FIRE ROUND What is your favourite colour? Lime green. What is your favourite food? Green leaf salad with basic olive oil vinaigrette. What is your favourite dessert? Fruit salad. What is your favourite drink? Water. What is your favourite location? The top of a mountain. What is your favourite book? The dictionary. What is your favourite music? My heartbeat. What gets you excited? Silence. What is your most valued possession? My brain. What are you most grateful for? My sanity. Are you an optimist or a pessimist?
I am a realist. What do you value most in life? Humanity. What is the principle for which you have the highest regard? Morality. What is your biggest accomplishment?
My character. How would you describe your childhood?
Terrible. How would you describe your teenage years? Bearable. How would you describe your twenties?
Dead. How would you describe your thirties? Sacrificial. How would you describe your self?
Happy. If you could give only one advice what would that be? My greatest advice is with respect to children, for it is children that become adults, and adults who govern society, not just in public office, but generally in every type of job. I will break your rule and add four more pieces of advice which I think is also worth noting. 1. My primary advice is to have children when you are ready, to love your children, and to bring your children up properly. 2. My second advice is that one should not judge until one reviews all the evidence. Upon the evidence, accept objective reality no matter how personally difficult this may be. 3. Treat every human being with their full human and civil rights irrespective of whether or not you agree with their views or lifestyle. 4. Put your self and your own family first. This is not selfishness, this is self preservation and the optimizing of your self which will lead to you being of greater benefit to others and society at large. Do not sacrifice yourself in a way that compromises your goals/aspirations, mental, physical, financial health etc. Nobody is worth the loss of your life, the loss of your sanity, the loss of your goals, the loss of your relationships with people who genuinely love you. So, iIn doing good, give only the type of aid you can afford to give. 5. Lastly, if you are in a relationship of any context with a good person, do your utmost to retain it. Good people are hard to find. Do not abuse good people or one day you will lose them, either in person or in their hearts. What do you want to be your legacy?
Acceptance of reality, equality of humanity, adherence to morality, a practice of compassion and a life lived in gratitude and joy. FURTHER READING What are your favourite things and your passions? Read this: http://veenanankani.com/biography/favourites/ Can you tell me which artists inspired you when you were growing up? Yes. Read this: http://veenanankani.com/biography/other-tributes/ Can you give me a summary of your life? Yes. Read this: http://veenanankani.com/biography/a-summary-of-me/ Can you tell me a more detailed version of your life story thus far? Yes. Read this: http://veenanankani.com/biography/ I heard you had a serious medical crisis in your twenties. Can you tell me more about this? Yes. Read this: http://veenanankani.com/biography/my-health/ Have you ever experienced any trauma or abuse?
Yes. Read my poem about it here: http://veenanankani.com/have-you-ever-by-veena-nankani/ Can I have a link to your poetry? Yes. Here is the link to all my poetry: http://veenanankani.com/category/veena-nankanis-poetry/ Can I have a link to your blog? Yes. Here is the link to all my blogs: http://veenanankani.com/blog/ ANYMORE QUESTIONS? If you have any questions directed specifically at me for print, it is best to request an interview with me. If you have a general fan question, feel free to ask it on this F.A.Q. page. I will do my best to answer if I think the question is warranted. Unfortunately due to time constraints it will not be possible to answer all questions. Please note: I do not answer questions pertaining to my children, my boyfriend, my family, my ex-husband or questions regarding any one but me. I am also not permitted to discuss my previous work and training as a trauma consultant beyond that which I have already stated. To ask a question, please send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org or post your question as a comment.
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|© 2014 Veena Nankani www.veenanankani.com My web content, posts and pictures may be shared on social media but may not be used for commercial purposes without my consent. Veena Nankani - Author of “Mum Knows Best”, Life Coach, Nutritionist, Motivational Speaker, Writer, Poet, Professional Reviewer and Entrepreneur.|